“Will You Marry My Husband?”

Dear 1one4 Aunty,


I have just gotten the shock of my life. A senior colleague of mine whom I’ve always admired in all my working life for her achievements, intelligence and grace called me into her office, asked me about myself and then dropped the bomb! She asked if I’ll like to join her family by marrying her husband. Who in the world does this?


This is a woman with three lovely girls; I practically gawk at her and try to emulate her. She lives in a lovely serviced apartment and drives the fanciest cars ever. Apparently, her husband wants a second wife and has saddled her with the responsibility of getting him one. Who does this? The man is 45, she is 40 and I am a 29 years old, hopeful and waiting for Allah (SWT) to give me my own husband. To me, a family means a man, a wife and children. My life and thinking has been around going to school, getting married to my prince charming and living happily ever after in the proverbial castle. Now this castle is going to be rather crowded. Getting married to me has a process; you meet someone, take a liking to one another, spending quality time getting to know each other, and one day deciding to spend the rest of life together.


My senior colleague said she likes the fact that I am hardworking, have a good heart and enjoys the warmth and energy I bring to a room and is sure I am what her husband needs. While I am flattered that she likes me as much as I like her, talk of marrying her husband is taking it to another level all together. She also mentioned that she wants someone she would be compatible with and thinks that could be me. I am given some time to think about it and get back to her. If I met the man and he took a liking into me, that would be different, but the wife asking me? I feel that is strange and sinister.


I am all so suspicious for some reasons. These people are re-writing all the rules. Could they be looking for a glorified house girl? I really don’t know what to make of all these. I am confused.  I have heard Hausas do this but we are all Yorubas here. Which woman wants anyone to marry her husband? The closest I’ve been to polygamy has been watching Fuji House of Commotion on TV. I see war, fighting, backstabbing, plots and counter plots; all the ills of humanity, that is what polygamy is to me.


I am a modern, educated and sophisticated young lady (even if I say so myself), never ever thought of being anyone’s second fiddle. Should I even consider this? Or Should I wait for my own prince and hopefully live the life and ideals I’ve had built up in head since I was a little girl. My friends are of the opinion that I should open my mind that life is about fate and destiny. What do I do?



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