35 and a Side Chick. Help Me!

Dear 1one4 Aunty,

I am a 35 year old single Muslim woman. I have been very unfortunate in relationships, my lot has been meeting Christian men, I was even engaged to be married to a pastor in my past life but bolted at the last minute. I have vowed not to settle with anyone except a well rounded Muslim man who can take care of me. I have a nice job, car and apartment and recently put some money down to acquire my own property. I put up a brave face but sometimes there is great loneliness and a lot of despair behind the scene.

Recently I met a married Muslim man, he is a contractor where I work and came to make some supplies at my branch. I was to inspect and accept the supplies. He took an interest in me and I liked him too. He is warm, gentle and has an engaging personality. Anyway, last month he came visiting, loved my apartment, my humour, my outlook of life and company, he stayed the whole day.He has been coming every day after work since then. His presence brings a lot of warmth, laughs and insight into life like I’ve never heard before. I really do enjoy his company tremendously. He says he likes me a lot and would have liked me as a second wife but has some major constraints.

Apparently during his marriage, he and his wife made vows never to marry another unless death takes either of them. Do Muslims make such vows? What kind of bondage vows are those? What do I do? The guy spends all his free hours around me. I encourage him to spend more time with his wife and four kids but keep coming back. I really do like him and would like to explore all possibilities and ultimately marriage with him but it’s like trying to get water out of a rock. What do I do? Finally I meet a Muslim man who understands me and this is what I get again. Honest advice needed urgently please.


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