By Abdul-Qadir Kazeem
You are having a wonderful day. The sun is out, there is a nice breeze, and you are reading your favorite book on the porch. Nothing could possible ruin this moment.
Right in your ear. A fly. Now you have to waste 5 minutes in battle with it as it tries to land in your ear over and over. You know what is interesting about this situation? The fly could have been sitting next to you for several hours, and you did not notice it until it came and buzzed in your ear. Now is when the presence of the fly matters.
You know what else is interesting about this situation? This is how many brothers treat their wives. They only notice them when they are trying to ‘bother’ them. This could possibly bring up feelings of resentment in your wife, the fact that the only time you seem to be interested in her is when you need something from her, or when she bugs you. This is actually one of the three A’s that women need: attention. Women need attention to feel that they matter to you. As a matter of fact, everyone needs this, to feel that they matter to someone. It was said that one of the greatest gifts you can give a loved one is effective listening. One of the things that lets someone know you are listening attentively is when you actually stop, look, and listen:
Stop whatever you are doing. Block out everything else. What the speaker has to say is all that matters at the moment.
Make eye contact with the person to let them know you are paying attention.
Let them know you are listening by head nods, verbal queues (yeah, uh huh), etc.
This is especially true when you are in an argument with your wife. If you both insist on talking and not listening, this is a collective monologue. You are either speaking or preparing to speak, which will get you nowhere. Make it a point to sincerely listen your wife’s point of view, and repeat back some of what was said to show that you understand. This will save you time and prevent putting more strain on the relationship (She never listens to me!!! She never tries to see things my way!!!). Even if you do not get your way when there is a clash, you are more likely to be content with the result if you felt the other person listened and understood your point of view.
So, my dear brothers, the next time you come home from work (I know I know, you had a hard day and you are tired), and your wife comes up to you with a big smile and starts to tell you about her wonderful day, what should you do? Stop. Look. Listen.