Great Expectations

Dear 1one4 Aunty,

I am married to a very good man, a little rough round the edges but very okay most of the time. We’ve been married for 5 boring years. I say boring because there is a huge disconnect between us. The problem is that I believe we come from two different worlds. I am 'new school' and he is 'old school'. I like to have a romantic life; like the ones i see in the movies. Flowers, candle lit dinners, special thoughtful gifts to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, date night, massages together est. But he tells me to get real.

I believe we need these things to make marriages more interesting, more pleasurable and more loving. I have attempted to show him by giving gifts, making this candle lit dinners and trying to rekindle our love always but he comes back and tells me to blow off the candles and give him his normal dinner. Is there anything wrong Islamically in living a ‘fantasy, story book life’ like he calls it? We hardly courted and I thought I could make anyone I marry see the fancy part of life that is achievable by anyone. I tell my friends this and they just laugh that i am not a serious person. They do not even see it as a problem, but it is and I am tempted to go find my fantasy life that I crave.

Life is short and I believe in living it to satisfaction. We both work hard and have a boy together. Anything wrong in being romantic, in living in the 21st century and trying to make something out of our boring, chaotic existence in Nigeria? I need answers please because am weighing my options about this my colourless life. Am told the grass is never greener at the other side, but real love is not only what we do in bed but those little things that makes all the difference. What do I do with my life please?

Ruqoyyah

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