Hakeemat: Nowhere But Up

I just got news of a friends’ passing. She passed away during child birth. We were both born Muslims, but somewhere along the line she changed her faith. She changed as a result of marriage. Realigning faith under any guise bothers me a great deal, especially when it is as a result of a marriage we never know the outcome. It is indeed a loss in itself. An awful lot of we Nigerian girls and even men are guilty of this. While I cannot sit and judge anyone’s love choices, marrying an unbeliever especially a woman sparks of disregard to Allah’s rule (Q2:221) and sure has grave (no puns intended) consequences. When I got to the marriageable age, I was very insistent on a fine Muslim guy to the annoyance of my peers. I wanted my own true prince with the Islamic slant. If he wasn’t a Muslim, then he definitely isn’t the ‘one’. My friends would tell me ‘a woman has no religion’. I beg to differ on this. Every rational human being has a religion or a belief system. All I’ve ever wanted in life was a united home, waking up an d praying together, I wanted a husband that would observe fast with me on Mondays and Thursdays, I wanted a man that would hold and guard me while we did the tawaf and read the Quran at the Masjid Haram , I wanted a man to climb the Jabal Thawr mountain and see the cave the Prophet (PBUH) and Abu Bakr hid from persecutors, during the migration to Medina, I wanted to pray and take pictures on the Arafat plains with my man, throw stones at the devil and make wishes together. And I wanted us both to impart our faith and values on the children. This man had to be Muslim, no more no less! That was my goal from the beginning. Being a Muslim like me was the most important element in the marriage equation. I would never change my religion for anything or anyone in the world. My Iman is solid. Alhamdulilahi. %3Cbr>It pains me when I see Muslim sisters and even brothers all in the name of civilization or modernization or westernization or love or I-have-searched-for-long so-anything-goes marry outside this beautiful religion and consequently change faith. To me it’s a sign of weakness. Why would you leave your belief to embrace another person’s? And, our Muslim men leave all the single Muslim women and marry outside and change as well. Ahhh. For some inexplicable reasons, Islam suffers in most of these relationships in Nigerian. We tend to be the weaker one. Our men are allowed to marry outside the faith provided the woman is ready to convert. That should be non negotiable. It should never be the other way round. What real man embraces a woman’s faith? Why not convince her to join you? Well, except he wants to accept Islam of course. Which they hardly ever do. What I see in some cases are men sitting at home not really doing anything and the kids being ferried to worship in other places but the mosque. I don’t know what good parent would want their kids to believe other than what they believe in. For all I know, if he has everything I want in a man and is not a practicing Muslim, that neutralizes everything else. Nigerian Muslims, we have a lot to do. Brothers and sisters, we need to take some fundamental things seriously. What we do here on earth determines what happens in our hereafter, and the fact that we do not know what happens in another minute makes us mere mortals. True life and true wealth is our belief – Islam. It was reported that a group of sahabah asked the Prophet (PBUH) “Teach us which kind of wealth is best, so that we may try to acquire it”. He said “The best is a remembering tongue (one that remembers Allah), a grateful heart and a believing wife who helps one’s faith.” (al-Tirmidhi) As we make plans for this life, as Muslims, we should make bigger plans for the hereafter. Allah (SWT) has great purpose and plans for each of us, we just have to let go and let God. Love is not enough to throw away ones faith and values. Your value defines who you are. So my dear sisters still looking on Allah for a good, pious Muslim man, please hang in there and keep praying fervently. There is someone for everyone. While it is important to have a formidable person to share one’s life with, please don’t look the other way in your search, stay with Islam. There is no miracle anywhere. Your miracle is within you. Your miracle is your faith. And to all the brothers, especially the eligible ones that crossed over, or is planning to cross over and propose to an unbeliever, remember, every man should have a vision of the kind of family he wants. Why would you want to include the rigours of battling with your spouse for the spiritual affiliation of the children?  It is tedious and needless. Stay and marry within the faith. Marriage is very fundamental and certainly you will account for all your actions. As I write this, there is a debate between my friends’ family and that of her husbands’. Her parents want her buried Islamically, her husband wants the Christian mode of burial. Both parties are at logger heads right now. Nobody ever thought of this when she was crossing over in the name of marriage. Am sure she never knew it would all end like it ended. May Allah (SWT) forgive us all. Even if you carry the pain, or feelings of insecurity, hopelessness, depressions, and the guilt of wrong choices, Allah (SWT) is forgiving; and for every true, practicing Muslim truly nowhere but up. Hakeemat 08069282550

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