Salam Alaikum... Please help me, I am experiencing serious issues and I am concerned that I am losing my desired path of Islam once and for all. Of course, the thing is about broken heart. I am a new convert to Islam.
Before my conversion, I was together with a man who is a born and raised Muslim. We were talking about Islam time after time, but I did not want to get influenced by him. Now he is engaged with other girl. Part of me wants to forgive him, because it is he who was disrespectful toward me. But when I start thinking about this issue from religious perspective, I get sick. I stopped praying and when I even think about reading the Quran or praying, I feel a kind of hate I never felt before.
No matter how much I try, it all reminds me of him in the first place. I remember all those things he told me and everything what he actually did behind my back. He betrayed his religion and everything he was born with. And I see him as such a hypocrite, and I see all around me only these kinds of people. Sexual harassment happens all the time on the streets. Men are yelling after me and trying to flirt with me. It all just makes me sick, and right now I am so twisted. I find everyone hypocrite, but maybe I am the biggest one.
I do not want to blame the religion. I totally understand it is an unhealthy mixture of traditions and culture with some crippled understanding about Islam. But all my hate is going that direction. I can forgive him and despite all what he did, I think that he is a great man, but I cannot forgive for his "fake religion".
Please help me. I do not want to hate Islam, but by saying that I feel myself a hypocrite.