Husbands with goals to nurture happy wives…
No one ever thinks about the characteristics of a Muslim husband. It is always what a wife should do for the husband… and the list never ends; home management, tutoring, ferrying the kids, caring, cooking, cleaning, washing, working, you name it, she does it. So what about the brothers?
Our beloved Nabi SAW was not EVER lazy, so why the men of this Ummah? It is quite interesting, so I thought I’d share it with you!!!
What a Muslim husband should be like…
DRESS UP FOR YOU WIFE, look clean and smell good. When was the last time you went shopping for designer pyjamas? Just like the husband wants the wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Nabi (SAW) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.
USE THE BEST NAMES FOR YOUR WIFE. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt her feelings.
DON’T TREAT HER LIKE A FLY. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it ‘bugs’ us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day – which brings no attention from her husband – until she does something to ‘bug’ him. Don’t treat her like this; recognize all good that she does and focus on that.
IF YOU SEE WRONG FROM YOUR WIFE, TRY BEING SILENT AND DO NOT COMMENT. This is one of the ways Nabi (SAW) used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives (R.A). It is a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.
SMILE AT YOUR WIFE WHENEVER YOU SEE HER, AND EMBRACE HER OFTEN. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempted from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Nabi (SAW) would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even when he was fasting.
THANK HER FOR ALL THAT SHE DOES FOR YOU. Then, thank again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare before your return. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more slat in the soup. Don’t let that be; thank her! Nabi (SAW) use to help his wives with the housework, he mended his own clothes, and patched his own footwear. Never forget – what your wife does for you without any assistance is actually out of her goodness, much of tasks today’s wife does is actually a favour to you,. Acknowledge it. Be grateful.
ASK HER TO WRITE THE LAST TEN THINGS YOU DID FOR HER THAT MADE HER HAPPY. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don’t have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.
DON’T BELITTLE HER DESIRES, COMFORT HER, sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Nabi (SAW) set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah (R.A) was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her and brought her the camel.
BE HUMOROUS, PLAY GAMES WITH YOUR WIFE, and surprise her once in a while with gifts. Nabi (SAW) encouraged the giving of gifts. Look at how he would race with his wife Aisha (R.A) in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?
DON’T EVER REFER TO YOUR WIFE IN THE THIRD PERSON, and never in a negative or mocking manner, even if you right. Remember, she is the mother of your children. She deserves their respect and honour more than anyone else in the world. Don’t promote and advertise yourself as better than her. Let Allah be the judge, protect her dignity. Woman was not made from man’s head to be superior over, or his feet to be trampled on. She emerged from his side to walk next to, from under the arm to be protected and near the heart to be loved and valued.
DON’T FEEL INTIMIDATED BY YOUR WOMAN’S STRENGTHS OR APTITUDE. Admire her and treat her as an equal as in the eyes of Allah. Encourage her, support her and be there for her, support her and be there for her. Allah has not granted superiority of one over the other, but rather, has assigned each different tasks according to the uniqueness of His male and female creation. Nabi (SAW) has said that if he would have commanded bowing to any other aside from Allah, it would have been the wife to the husband. This is not a matter of inflating your ego, but to underline how much you need to do for her so as to have earned this status. Remember, your attitude towards her would determine the depth of her love for you, her appreciation, and the warmth of her behavior towards you.
DON’T BE A ‘RULER’. Be a mediator; compassionate, loving, understanding, compromising. This is what wins a woman’s heart, nothing more, nothing less. Hear her cries for acceptance, don’t complicate matters for her, make things easier. Always remember the words of Allah’s Message (SAW): ‘The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best among you to my family.’ Try to be the best!
EVERY TIME YOU SEE YOUR WIFE, DON’T ORDER HER TO DO SOMETHING, NEITHER COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING. She’ll begin to avoid you and your company like the plague! Stop finding faults with her all the time; she’ll lose respect for you. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Use Hikmah (Tact), be diplomatic. And be considerate, do things to develop her love for you and strengthen the bond.
NEVER EVER COMPARE YOUR WIFE TO YOUR MOTHER, SISTER, SISTER-IN-LAW, OR ANY FEMALE, who is supposedly better than she is. Don’t praise other women so as to make her feel as if she ‘doesn’t-cut-the-cloth.’ This spells disaster for her self-confidence, and stunts love between spouses. She’ll begin to feel inferior, and in her desire to live up to your expectations, she’ll soon feel taken for granted, because you’d never recognize her attempts. But, always find something else that’s not right or needs to be bettered. Your wife will soon begin to despise you, she’d feel like your servant, a wall-fly, because it’s always ‘so hard to please you’ and you’re ‘never satisfied.’ So, please be cognizant of this habit!
In conclusion, everyone has weaknesses, find agreeable ways of working around them together. Never forget to make Dua to Allah ta’ala to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta’ala knows best.
From Islamic Research Foundation.
From Islamic Research Foundation.