STAYING FOCUSED BY NIYAH

As Salam Alaekum warahmattullah wabarahkahtuhu I felt my heart beat much faster as I drove into the Masjid, I wondered how the meeting with Yusuf would turn out. I realized that I was unconsciously hoping his trip to Mecca would have shed some divine ‘light’ on the issue of marrying me, and that he would have bought me a nice ring from Mecca. Oh! How we women like to dream! I came back from dream land when I saw him coming out of the Masjid looking really nice and calm after Salah prayers, he immediately handed me a small bag containing the gift he brought from his trip to Mecca, I tried to keep a straight face as I examined the contents of the bag, I didn’t want him to guess that I was expecting a wedding ring. How could I betray the fact that while he thought he was coming to catch up and give me the token from Mecca, I was preparing for this grand fairy tale, which included a marriage proposal? Of course there was no wedding ring in the bag, he had bought me a prayer mat, I forced a smile as I thanked him but my heart was really sinking. We stayed outside the Masjid talking about his experience for the next two hours, but honestly my mind was doing some major back flips most of the time, I felt like giving him a knock on the head and telling him how foolish he was for not asking me to be his wife, but I played it cool, I smiled, laughed and asked questions like I was really interested in all he was saying. However, the more we chatted, the more I hoped his next words would give me the news I longed to hear: that he prayed about us while in Mecca and somehow got a message from Allah that we should be together, and that his whole talk about polygamy a few weeks ago was just due to his nerves and prior experiences, but that didn\'t happen. I gave up and eventually told him I had to go meet up with someone else at home; I thanked him for the gift again before driving out of sight in my car. Oh well… Two weeks have gone by since that encounter and I finally get it; Yusuf is not the one, he is not interested and even if he was, I don\'t think he is the one Allah chose for me. Afterall I already did my Istikhaara dua concerning him, and if he is not proposing, its because that is Allah\'s way of telling me there is a better option for me. So it is time to move on and continue searching. But this time, I am not going to let that search consume my entire existence, I will make myself available to be courted by a nice and kind hearted brother, make dua and have faith in Allah that all will be well really soon. I have realized how easy it is to fall for into the trap of the shaytan who wants us to focus on our problems while ignoring our blessings. Meanwhile the Prophet (peace be upon him), our leader and best example encouraged us to thank Allah and remember his greatness and mercy during happy and challenging times. So my new goal is to thank Allah, focus more on my blessings and worry. Niyah.

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