My post today is based on something that has been dancing through the corridors of my mind, no thanks to the society in which I find myself and the numerous acquaintances I surround myself with. I had decided to pen something about the issue but being the lazy girl I am, I took to stalling. However, some posts by a certain celebrity then fuelled my determination to get this over with and here we are.
It is basically about Marriage and how it is considered to be the peak of a woman’s life. It is about getting hooked to a man and how it is thought to be the highest achievement a woman could get. It is about leaving spinsterhood and how society views it as the only feat a woman would attain that would make her the ‘ideal woman’. How all the success stories a woman could record would come to nay if she does not answer to a man’s name. Gross, isn’t it?
Okay, this is where I need to point out the fact that Marriage is a good institution, I mean, for a person like me, it is a most beloved Institution in my creator’s sight and it is enjoined to all and sundry. But not one time in the holy book have I seen where it is written that a person should be forcefully moved into an alliance that might mar her future and aspirations. The society, which comprises of we humans and the other ones have made it so mandatory to have to get married before one can have a say in anything that goes on. Why?
This is my thought on this. I do believe that when a lady decides it’s time for her to get married, let her do so. In the other line, if a lady is doing well for herself and isn’t married due to reasons known to her, LET HER BREATHE.
Before you hound that beautiful lady that has it going good for her about marriage today. Pause and think of these possible reasons. What If she’s trying not to rush into something and just taking it cool? What if she has had a truckload of heartbreak and just finding it hard to be committed? What if she is actually in a relationship but her spouse and herself have what they seek to achieve before they tie it? What if her priorities differ from yours and marriage is not just as close as it is to you? What if she is very prayerful and she is just listening to the results of her prayers by being careful? Loads of these should prick you and mute you before you put that lady in a seemingly uncomfortable situation by asking the obvious questions?
According to Chimamanda and Beyoncé in their song titled ‘Flawless’: ‘why must a young girl only aspire to get married’. I mean, why must the only ambition a lady has be to go and end up in her husband’s kitchen? I think we all need to take a pause and realise that too many homes are being wrecked all because the couples involved were not ready for the huge responsibility a marriage is. We live in a society that condemns a lady for getting too old and unmarried and likewise condemns her if her marriage is not working and heading towards divorce.
They go further to condemn her if her husband turns out not up to their set standards and chastize her for marrying him in the first place. A good example is that of a female celebrity I don’t intend to mention who had a huge wedding probably because the society dictated the tunes to her about being old and unmarried and now can barely publicly associate with her ‘husband’. And the same society must be calling her names right now, hounding her about marrying someone who they think isn’t fit for her. Aren’t these triple standards?
I don’t want to be misquoted or considered as a marriage allergic person. No I’m not, if you know me so well, you would know I love marriages and show love to my friends when they walk down the aisle with their beloveds. I also intend to get married too by the almighty’s grace. I just need people to cut down on the stigmatisation and name calling of those ladies they tag ‘too old for marriage’. Leave these ladies be, allow them to do their thing and make their decisions at the time they want it. Cut them plenty slack, allow them to do their thing, don’t be such a relay of insultive utterances, It does no good to the parties involved.
It’s okay when you ask your friends what’s happening with their love lives and if they have a good relationship going on, but can you let it stop at that? Don’t continuously hound them about getting married, I mean, when they are ready to marry, they would let you know, why not wait for it? I do not intend to step on anybody’s shoes and this is not a direct hit at anybody in particular, it’s just my own opinion about what exactly is the order of the day. Let the engaged ladies get married, let the single ones be calm about the whole thing and theirs will happen in due time. Let no body pressurize anyone into getting married. Let no one pass derogatory remarks at another person because the person is unmarried. Let no one do that!
You go to school, work your ass out just to come out well and then the next question is: when are you getting married?’. Why not try something like: When and how are you getting a job? What do you intend to do with your life next? How can I help you to set your plans into motion? How can I be a great help to the achievement of your plans? Amongst other things?... Please it’s 2014. Let’s endeavor to be more subtle in our ways and not necessarily want to insult the other person because she is not being molded according to the society. Remember, we all have our storms.
Just as an aside, Congratulations to all the married people, shout out to ya all holding it down and making the institution what it is meant to be, a beautiful one! And if you are getting married soon, do holla at a sister, I love love love attending weddings, if I can afford it, I’d even rock your aso ebi and pray for a successful marriage for you. Because according to BellaNaija, most people plan for the wedding more than the marriage. I do wish everyone well and hopefully, when the almighty wills, you would be invited for mine too. When is considered ‘too old for marriage’? Let’s discuss! BOS
Picture Source: Dream Times
Picture Source: Dream Times