Freedom comes when you learn to let go
Creation comes when you learn to say no
There's nothing left to lose
There's no more heart to bruise
There's no greater power
Than the power of good-bye
Learn to say good-bye
I yearn to say good-bye
Permit me to quote the lyrics of the popular Madonna song, power of goodbye. As we entered the new Gregorian year, we all made resolutions for better diets, more exercise, make more money, move into the new house, find that husband/wife, pray five times a day, fast Mondays and Thursdays and so on.
But, people often overlook the most important thing to worry about: the people you consider to be your friends.
As the saying goes, “You are who your friends are.”
If you’re like me, this year, you are vowing to make changes that only benefit your happiness and overall well-being.
Here are 10 types of toxic people you should say goodbye to so that life can move in the most positive direction:
The Negative One
People who just do not see anything good about life. Everything is impossible and negative. They view the world from the nothing ever works angle, they are disillusioned about everything called LIFE. They believe except you are rich and influential, nothing works.
Yes, life could be hard especially in Nigeria; sometimes I feel our leaders programmed everything to fail for us. But as long as we are alive, healthy and breathing, then there is still something to be thankful for and there is still that glimmer of hope for a better tomorrow. I am such an advocate of building people up, but when someone is constantly in a state of self-loathing, it can really take a toll ones happiness.
Try not to surround yourself with people like this in this New Year. Say your byes.
The Unsupportive Friend
When somebody doesn’t support your dreams and aspirations in life, it’s time to say bye to that person. Some friends are just toxic, while they wait around for miracle from heaven, they would put down all you ever aspire to be in life.
We don’t deserve to have someone put us down for having hopes and dreams, no matter how silly they may be. I call these people dream killers. Avoid them like a plaque. Go for your goal; try out that business, if it fails, you would have learnt a thing or two. It is better than sitting around doing nothing. And who knows, it could work after all…
A good friend should be your fair critic and your loudest cheerleader. Say good bye to such friends.
This is that friend who just constantly judges you for your poor life decisions and makes you feel bad on every decision you make.
Everyone makes mistakes. We get involved with the wrong people, put all our resources in the wrong business, marry the wrong person, the list goes on…
It’s a friend’s job to build you back up and help you through your mistakes, not shame and gossip you for making them.
Nobody needs a judgmental friend who makes you doubt yourself and every decision you take. Nobody needs a friend that picks holes in all you do. Nobody needs friends that gossip you behind your back. It is a new year, say your goodbyes to such friends.
The Jealous, Self-Absorbed Personality
Some people cannot get over themselves. They want to be the best, have the best and have everyone else beneath them. Someone who wants what you have will not be a nice person to you.
He or she will make snide comments when you talk about your achievements and will probably make you feel bad for wanting to share with them when you succeed.
Don’t waste your time and life with people like this. Life is too short to waste on unworthy people.
If someone only wants to talk about his- or herself and never stops to ask how you’re doing, then he or she isn’t your friend. This person just wants to have someone listen to how great his or her life is.
Show off is obnoxious, so drop this friend. Your life will change for the better once you no longer have to listen to this person rattle on and on about how great his or her life is ever again. BYEEEE.
I do not have a problem helping a friend here and there or when they are out rightly broke, but I have a problem when this becomes constant. Some people just believe since you have more than they do, they must get things off you free. Hell no! We all have duties and responsibilities.
With a good friend, it’s always an endless circle of having each other’s backs because you know favours will be repaid eventually.
No one should use another consistently without giving anything in return, sometimes all we need is just a listening ear. Some people just want to grab and offer nothing in return. Life should not roll like that.
Say your byes to 'oshofree' friends (Excuse my German).
The Pathological Liar
I must admit that most people tell white lies, sometimes it is to save a friend’s feelings from getting hurt.
But when a particular person is lying to you over and over again for no reason and everything they say and do is shady or dodgy. It’s time to let that person be.
Relationships are built on trust, and if you can’t even trust your friend to tell you the truth, he or she isn’t worth your time. Bye Liar.
Loose lips sink ships they say.
I firmly believe you should never be close with people who can’t keep their mouths shut and mind their own business. Some people know what is going on in every other person’s marriage except theirs.
Chances are, this person is talking about you too behind your back.
So do yourself a favour and cut him or her loose.
The Social Butterfly
I love going out and having a good time, but as I evolve and find more meaning to life, it’s not my lifestyle anymore.
I have a full-time job, fledgling businesses and interests to run, so going to every owambe is not my thing anymore. There are some friends that have a list of parties to attend all through the year of every year, from nikah to birthdays, to graduation to luncheon; they have it all.
I want friends that I can discuss the next great idea with and we can develop such ideas meaningfully not just party friends.
This party friend might not be interested in listening to your problems; he or she just wants to have a good time and you by her side. Let him or her do that with other people. You’re beyond that. Say your bye bye to such friends.
The Worry Baby
There are some people that just worry for nothing. Everything in life is a source of worry and your main job as a friend is to keep reassuring. But, it is annoying to have to constantly reassure this person about everything.
No, you will get your own husband
No, your husband is not leaving you
No, I don’t think he will marry another wife
No, you’re are not that fat.
Yes, you’re doing well in your career
Don’t worry, your business will work out
If you are prayerful, there’s no reason to doubt your actions. Just own them and move on. There may be need to say bye bye if you are consistently having to provide a shoulder to a grown person.
It’s 2016, and if you still have your exes’ number. By ex, I mean, ex friend, ex business partner, the guy/girl I was supposed to marry and what not, you should stop for a second and reevaluate things. If you are done with someone, move on to new and better possibilities. They became an ex for a reason.
It’s not healthy, and it doesn’t do you any good to be in contact with them.
As hard as it is, delete their numbers and let yourself be free from their gravitational pulls. Say a healthy bye bye to needless people.
So spend 2016 with only the best of company. If you find that any of these descriptions match up to people in your life, I would advise you to graciously bow out of those friendships and get your life going in the right direction. Start the New Year off fresh with a clean slate. Always try to grow as a person and find people who truly care about you and with whom you can super-connect.
As a Muslim, you should spend quality time with people that build you up, people that speak the truth to encourage you and make you a better version of yourself. People that are conscious of the dunya and akhira. People that are purposeful and goal oriented. You should surround yourself with positive people that have that insatiable hunger to know more, do more, grow more and be more. We should spends time with people that are selfless and all about the greater good in humanity and life.
It’s hard to say goodbye to people, but sometimes it’s just for the best. Salam alaikum waramatulahi wabarakatu.
'And the believers, men and women, are protective friends of one another, they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong' (Q9:71)
Founder/Editor in Chief, 1one4.com