Speaking to a few marriage
therapists and Muslim counselors, I asked them what they noticed to be the most
common niggly issues that couples face. Of course, there were more complex
problems like infidelity and drugs, but other top issues might be surprising.
1. I Love
You…Now Change- This
seems to be one of the biggest issues most couples face. Spouses so often try
to change the other to a version that they would love more. The very qualities
that were cute in the beginning turn into something that causes much resentment
you married a slob, he will not automatically change into a neat and orderly
person because you want him to.The only person you can change is you. The best
you can do is changing your response.
most common misconception threatening marriage is that couples mistakenly
believe that talking means communicating, that is, whenever they engage in
talking, they believe they are communicating.
our complaints, criticism and emotional blackmail are not tools of
communication. Learn to express your feelings with assertiveness and not from a
point of complaint and criticism. This will help protect your marriage at a
later stage. Effective communication means we listen and we are willing to see
the world through the eyes of our partners, and not only our own. If we listen
as well as we speak, real connecting would take care of itself.
Management- Modern lifestyle equals stressful lifestyle. Time
is of the essence and many couples do not manage their time efficiently.
Couples are pulled in all directions on a day-to-day basis except towards each
time even if it is just five minutes a day, is an essential requirement of
marriage. Couples need to regularly re-evaluate their relationship in a gentle
and honest manner, if only just to know whether they are on the same page or
4. Intimacy- Nadirah
Angail, author and therapist from nadirahangail.com believes
that lack of intimacy is a major issue in Muslim marriages. “Sex is only a
small part of intimacy’’, she says. It is more about being fully engaged as a
couple. Staying connected on every level. Spiritually, mentally, physically and
emotionally. Most couples constantly face an uphill battle to keep the spark
alive. Intimacy is not a goal that couple should seek but rather a journey,
which lasts throughout marriage.
Turned Focus- The most frequent issue men seem to have is
that the focus of the wife changes when the couple have children. It often
leads to the husband feeling inadequate and neglected which in turn, leads to
lack of intimacy.
also allow technology to interfere with their relationship; this is quite
rampant with people texting at dinner, surfing the Internet in the evenings and
using their smart phones constantly. As a result, the focus
on each other is shifted. Sitting next to your partner with your own tablets
does not equate to quality time.
6. Money, Money, Money-
Money is a huge issue. Marriages can often survive infidelity but money issues
can be a dissolver of the marital union universally. Nadirah maintains that
this issue is not uncommon in the Muslim household. It can be way at times for
the insecure man to control the woman. In a two-income household, there is
often resentment felt for the partner who earns more. This often leads to