Zainabu Mohammed: Someone Who Wants One versus Someone Who Needs One

ln Shaa Allah I am getting married soon. As a smart, intelligent and pretty babe (lol), I have four men on my radar and I am praying to Allah (swt) to guide me in the process of making a choice; a good, lasting choice. Aside choosing a partner for the four qualities advocated by the Prophet (saw), I have my own unique preferences. I like that old school kind of love, the kind of love that sacrifices, that nourishes the soul and blesses the spirit. I want a husband that will dwell with me in this dunya in absolute peace and also make the akhirah together side by side. Being needed is a big factor for me and it is a fundamental criteria that will help me pick a man that is most suited for my person. I understand everyone has his or her life to live but as a couple, I like the security of oneness, of togetherness, of loving and being loved in return. I want a life partner, someone to walk the journey of life together with, hand in hand.  Here are a few pointers I am following in determining which man is mine for keeps: Someone Who Wants One ?  Person who only gives one attention when it is convenient for them. They don’t go the extra mile to satisfy you. ?  They don’t pay close attention to how you feel or what you want because to them you are a necessity not a need. ?  Every time this person leaves, he person can’t promise you that he will see you again. ?  They avoid talking about the future and do not make long term plans with you. ?  The person puts up with you because you serve a purpose, once the purpose is not there again they jump to the next available person. ?  This person will only talk to you in order for you to feel secured enough to be used. He does not care what you have to say and if possible conversations would be avoided. More like let’s get straight to business. Someone Who Needs One ?  Will create time for one no matter how tight his schedule is whether it’s convenient for him or not ?  Will be very attentive to one and interested in one's life, what one has to say, what happened to one at work and what the plans are. ?  Keeping one safe is his priority and when one happy, he is happy ?  This person wants to know every little thing about one ?  He can’t live without one and does not know why. ?  He makes long term plans and trips with one and discusses the relationship even though he cannot promise tomorrow. No one knows tomorrow after all ?  Although it may take time for him to admit that he loves me, he loves me nonetheless. If you find yourself with someone whom you feel only wants you but wouldn’t move the world to keep you, please move on. You’re not a thing and deserve better. You are to complement each other and not just serve a purpose.  You should have need yourselves greatly. We were created to be a companion to each other and a companion is something of a need than a want. They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them" (Q2:187). We need each other as man and woman to become husband and wife not wants. Which one will you go for ? Maa salaam. Zainabu Mohammed is a management consultant. She prays to be finally settled with her exact fit by next year Eid-el-Kabir and hopes to be running after children thereafter [?].

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